If It Kills Me Read online

  Aaron’s is personal because it involved killing his parents. Well, his adopted parents. The only other person that knows about him is Evelyn. At least, that’s what he told me.

  “It happened a couple of years ago, before my sister and I came to Salem. She had already gained her ability and I was bewildered by it.”

  “Wait a second,” Heather interrupts. “She’s got a power too?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is it?” she asks.

  Sadie shifts in her seat slightly, but sets her jaw firm and stares at the others with confidence. “I can read people’s thoughts.”

  The room is completely silent. I imagine the others are as taken aback as I am, and are throwing a guard up around their minds.

  “Is this something you choose to do?” Heather asks. “Can you turn it on and off?”

  Christopher speaks for her. “At first, no,” he says. “But we worked on it.”

  “It used to be like whispers in my mind,” Sadie says. “Constantly talking. But now I don’t have to listen to it.”

  “I don’t think I like this,” Heather says.

  “Don’t worry,” Sadie says. “I’ve heard enough people’s thoughts to know that most of what people think isn’t worth listening to. It isn’t a temptation for me.”

  “Doesn’t help,” Heather mutters to herself.

  “Please continue, Christopher,” I say.

  “A friend and I,” Christopher says, “were walking through the forests, scouting out a good location to start a new village.”

  “How original,” Heather says.

  Christopher smiles at her. “My village was worse off than Springhill. We had started with more than five thousand people and had dwindled down to less than a hundred. All in just two separate attacks.”

  I shake my head at the thought. Every time you think you have it the worst, there is always someone else who has suffered more.

  “We had no choice. We finally spotted a perfect location from the top of a nearby mountain. It is about a hundred miles north of here. We called it New Haven. Though it may have been the perfect place for a group of people to make a village, getting there was almost impossible. New Haven itself seemed safe from the greyskins, but the number of greyskins we passed on the way was beyond anything I had seen before. Couple that with difficult terrain…needless to say we never made it there.”

  He takes a deep breath and stares into us, though not at any one person in particular. He seems as though he’s telling himself this story and he’s told it a hundred times before, but it never gets easier.

  “Unlike many of you, I’m sure, my power to heal didn’t come out of any attack from greyskins, but from bandits. We must have stumbled too close to one of their loot sites. We didn’t want to fight them. We didn’t want to kill, but they weren’t going to let us go. We did what we had to do. My friend was shot several times, and beaten so badly I didn’t think there was any way he would make it. But he knew the area better than I. If he was going to die, more than likely, I would be lost until I ran into another group of bandits or a herd of greyskins.”

  To my left, Connor sits up a little straighter, intently listening to what Christopher says. Aaron glances back at the screen every now and again, but can’t help but be sucked into Christopher’s story.

  “My friend was missing most of his arm. Both of his legs were broken. His eyes had been punched so badly, I didn’t think he would be able to see again. But when I rested my hand on his shoulder, I could feel his pain. Not only did I feel it, I absorbed it. It was the strangest thing ever. I knew that somehow, I was healing him. His sight returned. His arm healed as though it had been cut off years before. His legs were no longer broken. He had been beaten within an inch of his life, but I healed him within an inch of mine.”

  “What do you mean?” Austin asks.

  “I mean that I bore his pain. I received his injuries, though you couldn’t see them physically on me.”

  “So that’s why you can’t help everyone all the time,” Connor says. “That’s why you kept a low profile.”

  Christopher nods. “I am willing to do it, but there is a breaking point. I can only do so much. If a person’s injuries are life threatening, then they are life threatening to me if I try to heal it.”

  “But your sister’s injuries were life threatening to her yesterday,” I say. “And you seem so much better today.”

  “It was a risk I was willing to take,” he says. “She is my sister after all.” He points to his torso where a bullet had passed through the day before. “This will take longer to heal. I can absorb another’s symptoms and recover more quickly than they, but when I’m hurt, my own body doesn’t heal me faster than anyone else’s would. I might be able to heal a broken leg, but I don’t necessarily get a broken leg too. Just the pain from it.”

  “And the greyskin virus?” Evelyn asks. “You can’t heal that?”

  Christopher shrugs and shakes his head. “I’ve never tried, but I imagine it would kill me. I hope I never have to try.” He looks at Sadie when he says this, then up at the screen across the room. He smiles. “I believe your satellite is working now.”

  Everyone spins around and Aaron rushes to the screen. He can’t help but laugh loudly as the crisp picture of forest and dirt spreads across the screen. The others clap at the sight, and I can’t help but feel happy too. This will go a long way in the protection of Springhill.

  Aaron stands, still laughing. “I can’t believe it,” he says. “I knew it was possible, but to actually see this in person! Common people haven’t seen a view of Earth like this in decades, and we did it!”

  He reaches out and hugs Evelyn who seems startled by his reaction, but happy nonetheless. I, too, am glad to see it working, and I’m pleased to see Aaron like this. That is until he comes up to me and plants his lips firmly on mine. Before I can even react, he pulls away and moves back toward the screen as if nothing even happened.

  I’m sure a look of shock is etched on my face as the others look at me with wide eyes. A couple of them chuckle at me, while Heather looks straight at Connor. My eyes follow her trail and I see that he stands in the middle of the room stone-faced.

  “Yes, well, we’re all happy the satellite works,” he says. “I’m uh…I’m going to go check out the wall.” He leaves the room and I can’t help but feel awkward. Aaron isn’t even looking at me. I know he was happy, but that just seemed like a slap in the face to Connor.

  “You are an exciting bunch of people,” Christopher says.

  “You can even hit this button here,” Aaron tells Danny, “and it registers body heat for night time and when it’s cloudy out.”

  I start to leave the room and Aaron calls out to me. “Where are you going?” he asks.

  I just look at him for a moment, unsure that I should say this in front of everyone, but I decide to anyway. “You’re so thoughtless sometimes.”

  He looks confused. I open my mouth to say something else, but I think better of it. When I walk out of the Tower, I see Connor near the edge of the village, filling up his truck with fuel.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” I ask him.

  He doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Then finally, “I don’t belong here, Mora. I’m not one of you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not a Starborn. I can’t do much to help you here.”

  “And you think you can help us by leaving?” I ask. What on Earth could he be thinking? Is this about the kiss? “I didn’t kiss Aaron in there,” I tell him. “He kissed me.” I hesitate, looking for the right words to say. “I didn’t want him to do that.” I know I don’t sound convincing.

  Connor sighs and looks out toward the wall that is slowly being built. “You two are together and I’m fine with that,” he says.

  “We aren’t together,” I say.

  “Look at it from my perspective, Mora,” he says a little too loudly. He sets the gas can on the ground and t
akes a couple of steps toward me. “I see you two kissing in the woods. You go off with him to Salem. You two kiss in front of everyone. It’s fine, I just need to get away.”

  “Why?” I ask. “Why can’t you just stay and help us?”

  “Because I love you!” he almost shouts.

  The words hit hard, and I’m not ready for them.

  “I know we haven’t known each other very long, but we’ve been through a lot already. But I understand that it can’t work out because I want to be able to protect you. Instead, you’ll always be the one protecting me.”

  “What are you talking about? You’ve saved my life several times over the past couple of weeks.”

  He just shakes his head.

  “I’m not with anyone,” I say, “despite what you might think.”

  “You are all I thought about while I was at the compound, getting that satellite,” he says, looking at the ground. “It was weird. But it felt so much like you were there with me. Encouraging me. There was a moment when I was about to try and take on a bunch of greyskins alone, but it felt like you were telling me to wait. Because of that, I was rescued.” He shakes his head and looks at me. “I don’t understand it at all.”

  “I do,” I say. “It’s because I was there, Connor.”

  “What?”

  Only Evelyn knows this about me. I feel strange telling him my secret, but right now it seems necessary.

  “I recently learned that I can watch people that I’ve touched. Wherever you are, I can see what you are doing if I want.”

  He squints his eyes and turns his head in confusion.

  “I didn’t want to say anything to anyone about it yet because I didn’t want people to become distant. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

  “So, when I was about to open the door, you told me to wait?” he asks.

  “Yes. I also saw the conversation with you, Heather, and Danny the night before.” I shake my head at him. “You can’t believe what they say about Aaron and Evelyn. They were just being mean.”

  “I know that,” he says. “Well…I guess there’s no way to really know.”

  “You are actually the first person that I’ve ever spoken to when I was watching.”

  “Do it often?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.

  “Only when I need to find you. Only when I’m worried. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

  He shakes his head. “Don’t be,” he says. “This is actually a perfect reason for me to get out of here.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I’m guessing you never got a chance to touch Jeremiah, right? So you can’t see what he’s up to, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then I’m your man.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m going to Screven,” he says. “I will be way more of a help there than here. I’m going to see Jeremiah.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “YOU CAN’T DO that!” I almost yell at Connor. “What makes you think you can just walk up to Jeremiah? What’s your plan anyway?”

  “Well,” he says, “it was to get in on his good side by acting like I was against the rest of you. I’d try to figure out his plans and somehow get the message to you. Now, you just made that part so much easier. You can just watch me.”

  I shake my head vigorously. “No way. You’re not going.”

  “Mora,” he says with a smile. “There is no way for me to help here. I can do this. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now.”

  “When, since you saw me and Aaron in the woods?”

  “Maybe that’s what started the idea, but I’ve really thought about this and I think it’s a good one.”

  “I think it’s suicide.”

  He rolls his eyes at me. “I’m a citizen of Screven, under Jeremiah. He won’t do anything to me unless he thinks I’m trying to kill him.”

  “Or trying to betray his trust,” I say. “He’s a vicious man. He will kill you.”

  The elders come out of the bottom of the Tower, followed by Aaron and the other Starborns.

  Connor looks at me quickly and says something just above a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m leaving tonight.”

  “Why can’t I tell anyone?” I ask.

  “If word gets around to Jeremiah that I’m playing him, he really will kill me.”

  “No one here would say anything,” I tell him.

  Connor raises an eyebrow and looks from me, to Evelyn, and to Aaron. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

  “Hey,” Aaron calls out as he approaches Connor and me. “You know I really think this satellite is going to help us out.”

  I nod, but Connor doesn’t say anything. When I look at Connor, I can’t help but notice the glaring scowl he’s giving to Aaron. Aaron notices too.

  “Why does it feel like you always have something against me?” Aaron asks.

  “Don’t talk to me right now, acting like everything should be okay,” Connor says.

  Aaron shakes his head.

  “You didn’t tell me you had a Starborn power until you were forced to use it in front of me,” Connor says. “You kept it a secret for years. I bring Mora to the safety of Salem and you use her to start a revolution. I try to save your life from a bunch of greyskins and you barely even speak to me.”

  I can see the anger building in Connor’s face. From the bottom of his neck to the top of his cheeks, he’s turning bright red.

  “I know what this is about,” Aaron says.

  “I’m glad you do,” Connor says, turning away from him to face the truck.

  “This is because I killed Mom and Dad, isn’t it?”

  No one, least of all Aaron, is ready for the punch that Connor lands on the side of Aaron’s face, knocking him off his feet and to the ground.

  “Stop it!” I yell, but it is unnecessary. Connor is already getting into the truck.

  “Guess I’m leaving now instead of tonight,” Connor says.

  “Where are you going?” Evelyn asks.

  Connor turns on the truck, looks at me, then at Evelyn through the open window. “To find a different colony. You don’t need me here.”

  Before anyone can respond, he puts the truck in gear but I run forward and put a hand on his shoulder. I lower my voice so only he can hear me. “For the record I think this is a terrible idea, but whatever you do, you can’t tell Jeremiah that we’ve found a healer.”

  “I wasn’t planning on it, but why?”

  “Just promise me.”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  I step back from the truck and Connor drives away quickly. I can’t believe he’s been planning to do this. If only I could read his thoughts like Sadie. Then I would be able to watch him while he was gone and hear his thoughts at the same time.

  Aaron is back on his feet and silent. He’s got a big, red mark on his face from where Connor hit him hard.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  He nods. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  But that’s all that is said between us. The others disperse and Aaron walks back toward the Tower, no doubt to keep an eye on the satellite feed. I can’t help but feel helpless in all this. Connor is on his way to see Jeremiah, and for what? What does he expect to accomplish? Jeremiah will want to use him to get information and will see right through Connor in an instant. That is, unless Connor can really pull it off. I suppose he could buy us more time. Maybe he can keep Jeremiah from messing with Springhill until we can get the walls up. No doubt we will face retaliation for killing his guards here. Maybe Connor really can help. Or maybe Jeremiah will just kill him.

  I spend the rest of the day with Grandma and Jake. They gladly take time away from helping at the wall for a lunch break. We cook and play a couple of games that we’ve made up over the years. This is good for me. For the first time in what feels like forever, it seems like we are all happy. And I don’t think it’s an illusion. We all know that outside our home there is a cruel world.
Outside our home is a man ready to wipe us off the map. We know. But right now, in this moment, we don’t care.

  Jake is a wonderful eleven-year-old. He has such bright spirits. I don’t think I was this happy when I was his age. Even with my parents around, I never had as good of an attitude about life, and Jake has seen just about as much evil as I have.

  Grandma is a saint. She took care of us in the best and worst times of our lives. I often wonder what her life was like when she was my age. She has told me so many stories about it, but I never could picture the old world in my mind until Evelyn started showing me the past in my dreams. Now I can at least get a feel for how people were back then. I can also get a feel for the terror of something like the beginning of the greyskins.

  I can’t imagine being in the world when all of this originated. Being born into this life, I’ve known nothing else. I know that we strive to live in a world where there are no more greyskins, or at least a world where we never come in contact with them. But to me, that’s like heaven. It makes a lot more sense for someone like my grandma to want things to be how they used to be, but not me. All I want is to make it where we aren’t constantly afraid to die. I just want to make sure that, when our time comes to die, it will be peaceful. I don’t want any more loved ones to end up infected.

  The clouds roll in as the day turns to dusk. Thunder in the distance lets us know that we will be getting more rain soon enough.

  I pull out the tie from my hair to let it fall freely around my face. I love my long hair when the winds pick up. It almost feels like I’m flying. I would love to fly. If I could do such a thing, I don’t know where I would go. Maybe I would look for that place that Christopher and his friend had found. New Haven? He had said it was nearly impossible to get there by foot, but I could get there if I could fly. I wouldn’t be able to take anyone with me, but I would be okay with that for a time.

  Walking through the middle of the main road, I look up at the Tower and wonder if Aaron is still there. I wish he hadn’t kissed me today. It just didn’t make any sense. It seems that every time I start to figure things out a little more, something weird happens. Aaron kisses me. Connor tells me he loves me. Don’t these people realize there isn’t time for any of this?