If It Kills Me Page 15

  I won’t forget what Evelyn told me about how people who aren’t looking for romance are often blindsided by it. Well, I’m not looking and I wish people would stop blindsiding me.

  I walk toward the Tower. I walk away from the Tower. I want to tell Aaron how I feel. I know I was the one that initiated the first two kisses, but he needs to know that I’m just not interested. At least, I think I’m not. I shake my head. This is crazy. Stupid. This broken world is falling into more pieces and all I can think about is kissing a boy.

  “Is everything okay?”

  I’m startled by the sound of the voice only a few feet away from me. I’ve been so distracted by my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice Christopher standing in the road.

  It takes me a moment to respond. “Yes,” I say. “I suppose.”

  “You’re pacing,” he says. “That’s why I ask.”

  “Am I? I didn’t notice.”

  “Worried about your friend? What’s his name? Connor?”

  “Partly that,” I say. “Other stuff too I guess.”

  “I know he’s not just going to find a new place,” Christopher says. “Sadie took the liberty to…you know.”

  “You can’t tell anyone,” I say to him. “He asked me not to say anything.”

  “I know.”

  He stands there awkwardly for a few moments, looking as though he’s wanting to say something but feels like he shouldn’t.

  “Just say it,” I tell him.

  “I’m just a little confused,” he says. “I know this is a bit forward, but I saw that you and Aaron kissed.”

  I sigh, not wanting to discuss this. But with Christopher, I feel more open. Maybe it’s his demeanor. Maybe it’s because I don’t know him.

  He continues. “But…your thoughts portrayed that you have feelings for Connor. Deep feelings.”

  “I thought Sadie made it a habit not to look into people’s minds,” I say.

  “She found your situation rather intriguing. She also saw that you have deep feelings for Aaron, but not in the same way.”

  “How could she see that? I don’t even know that,” I tell him. “Why do you care anyway? I mean, I’m not being hostile or anything, I just don’t understand why you are taking such an interest.”

  “You saved my life,” he says. “I figure I’m going to be around you and the others for a while now that we are all in this Starborn group. I guess I’m just getting to know you.”

  “You never really had too many friends did you?” I ask. I know it’s rude, but I didn’t ask him to come here and pry into my personal life.

  “Not really,” he answers. “But in answer to your other question, it’s that Sadie has insight into a person’s mind. It’s not just about their thoughts. It’s about their intentions. Their state of mind. Right now she would be able to tell us what you are so anxious about and what is causing it.”

  “Would she be able to tell me what I’m supposed to do?” I ask.

  “She wouldn’t presume to tell you what you should do with your life,” he answers. “I really didn’t mean to make you more angry.”

  “You didn’t,” I say. I close my eyes, trying to let the stress fall off of me. When I open them, I’m ready for the next order of business. “Christopher, you need to know something. You’re about to be one of the few that knows this. You are in danger.”

  “Aren’t we all?” he asks.

  “You more than the rest of us.”

  He looks at me with a curious look on his face. “I don’t follow.”

  “Jeremiah is sick,” I tell him. “Very sick. He has been searching for a Starborn healer for a long time now.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” he asks.

  I tell Christopher about the dreams that I’ve had from Evelyn. I tell him everything. I tell him about how Jeremiah created the greyskins, how he can have long life, and how he has needed a healer for the past sixty years. He takes it all in with a few nods, but barely a hint of surprise.

  “After seeing the abilities of others and even what I can do, nothing catches me off guard anymore,” he says when I’m finished talking. “In fact, it all makes perfect sense. That is, except for the question of how is he still around?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I mean, how did he become this all-powerful person with a grip on all of these colonies? He was a scientist that created this mess. He’s no leader.”

  “I haven’t gotten to that part yet,” I tell him. “Evelyn told me there are more dreams to come. I suppose I will learn of his rise to power. If I had to guess, I would say he was able to plan it because he saw it coming before anyone else did.”

  Christopher nods. “Perhaps.”

  “Anyway, you have to be careful.”

  “I suppose this means Evelyn wants me gone,” he says.

  I nod. “But I disagree with her and she’s on my turf now. She can’t just make you and Sadie leave.”

  Christopher shrugs. “Nor do I take orders from either of you,” he says with a smile. “I would leave with my sister only if your elders asked it of me, or if I thought there was a real chance that my existence was a threat. Jeremiah doesn’t know anything about me.”

  “What about Commander Green?” I ask. “He was interrogating your sister. How did she get caught in the first place?”

  “My sister is still very young,” he tells me. “Sometimes she has trouble controlling impulses.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When you and the others left Salem with bullets flying after you, Jeremiah sent more Screven guards in the next day. Commander Green led them. He made a speech to the colony about how if there were any Starborns still there, they needed to step forward so they could help in the fight. She stepped forward, but not to help in the fight. She read the thoughts of Commander Green. He knew you were innocent, but he wanted to bring you to Jeremiah anyway. She called him out on it. He locked her up in the Vault. Apparently, Green asked around and learned that Sadie had a brother. Me. Eventually, I got into the Vault. I crawled around in closets and air ducts for days, looking for a good place to sneak in. There were so many guards, but I finally decided that I would just have to take my chances.”

  It all made sense.

  “But that brings a question to my mind,” he says. “How did you know we were in the Vault?”

  “I figured if any Starborns were captured, that’s where they would be,” I lie, but he accepts it without question.

  “Believe me,” he says, “at the first notion that Jeremiah is sniffing around here because he has discovered me, I will leave. The last thing I want is to put Springhill in more danger.”

  “I appreciate that, but I don’t think it will be necessary. As far as I’m concerned, you are one of us now. If Jeremiah wants to come here and get to you, he’s going to have to fight through all of us.”

  Christopher smiles at this. “Truly a leader,” he says. “You are going to do great things, Mora. I hope I’m around to see it.”

  With the words of encouragement, he walks away. I really mean what I say. I don’t hold the same view as Evelyn. She doesn’t get to decide who should leave or stay. Jeremiah’s fight is with all of us, not just one.

  I look back at the Tower and decide that it’s finally time I go talk to Aaron. I don’t know why I think it’s important, but I do. I take the stairs slowly, not sure of exactly what I want to say. I don’t truly know how he feels. I mean, I do. But I don’t. When I finally reach the door to the top room of the Tower, I take a deep breath. When I open the door, I find Aaron sitting next to the screen, but he’s not staring at it. Instead, he’s listening intently to the radio as static and voices fade in and out.

  He looks up at me and waves me in to him. “I was just scanning the airwaves with the radio and I picked up this signal,” he said.

  “-eyskins everywhere… most colonists are dead… supplies… for anyone to offer help… Screven guards have aband-…”

  “Where i
s this coming from?” I ask.

  “The man keeps repeating the same things over and over,” Aaron says. “There are some variations, so I know it’s live and not a recording. I’m pretty sure I heard him say he was at the Sudyka Colony.”

  I’ve heard of the place. It’s a modest sized colony about a hundred and twenty miles south of Springhill. It has been said that they are one of Jeremiah’s most prized colonies because of their supply of helicopters. I’ve actually only ever seen one when I was very little, and I’m sure it was from Sudyka.

  “Have you tried contacting them?”

  He shakes his head. “There’s no secure channel. Anyone could be listening. In fact, I guarantee you that Jeremiah is listening if he’s behind this attack.”

  “Why would Jeremiah attack Sudyka?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. Sounded like he just said the Screven guards are gone. And from past experience, I would say when greyskins are attacking and the Screven guards are either missing or dead, Jeremiah is behind it.”

  “Think we could get there in enough time?” I ask.

  “It’s a cry of desperation,” Aaron says, shaking his head. “Greyskins act fast too. They’re going to have to get as many people stuffed into their helicopters as they can and fly out of there.”

  “And they could come here,” I say.

  Aaron shrugs. “Take that up with your elders. Sounds good to me, but I bet they won’t like the idea too much.”

  “Let me sit there,” I say, and Aaron moves over a seat. I sit in front of the microphone connected to the radio. Having never used one before, I have to ask Aaron to show me what to do. He points at the button on the front and tells me to push to talk. Release to listen.

  My finger goes to the button, but I don’t really know what to say. I have no fear of Jeremiah listening over the airways because he’s probably on his way here to attack us anyway. What difference would it make?

  “Sudyka, this is Springhill, can you hear me?” I say into the microphone.

  There is a long pause of static as I let go of the button. Then finally a voice.

  “Say again.”

  “This is Springhill responding to your distress call.”

  “Finally! Do you… that can come here to help?”

  “We are far out,” I say. “This is Springhill Tower. If you need to seek refuge, our doors are open to you. How many can you get out?”

  Static.

  We wait a minute or two, but no words come back. The speaker is either dead, or their radio is.

  “I hope they got the message,” I say.

  “It’s all we can do,” Aaron says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  I pull away coldly and stand from the chair. “We need to talk,” I tell him.

  He sighs and looks down at his now interlocked fingers. “Yeah, I figured as much. Listen, I’m sorry about kissing you and everything, I just…I guess I’ve just been getting the wrong signals from you. I mean, you did kiss me first…twice actually. So, I think you can see where I’d be a little confused.”

  “And I’m sorry about that,” I say. “It’s just that the more I think about it, the more I can’t imagine trying to have a relationship in this world.”

  Aaron stands, his eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about, this world? Relationships are what keep us alive as humans! Literally and figuratively. Just because the whole world is going to hell all around us doesn’t mean we should lose sight of each other. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue what makes us happy. In fact, it’s an encouragement for me to pursue something.”

  “I understand where you are coming from, but I just disagree. At least, right now I do.”

  “This is just about Connor,” he says. “I get it.” He shrugs and looks out the window. “I don’t know where my brother is headed, but I know it’s not going to be good. He has a knack for getting himself into trouble.” He turns his head and looks at me. “I’m not going to pursue anything with you if that’s what you want.”

  I don’t know why, but the way he says it just crushes me on the inside. In actuality, it makes me angry, though I don’t understand the reason I feel so entitled to his devotion.

  “You’re right anyway,” he says. “With all this stuff with Jeremiah, pursuing something between us would just get in the way of what we’re trying to accomplish.”

  I stand and listen to his words, but I don’t know how to take them. The more he talks, the more I feel like I don’t know what we are trying to accomplish.

  “What’s next?” I ask.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, after Jeremiah. We have this goal of taking him down and getting back our own power without fear of him, but what is after that? When he’s gone, what do we have to offer?”

  He smiles at me this time. It’s not flirtatious, and he doesn’t think I’m being funny. It’s a genuine smile that tells me that he’s happy I asked him that.

  “There’s a lot left to do,” he says. “Think of all the villages and homesteads out there just like Springhill. With little protection and limited supplies. All of these places need help. Think about the number of greyskins there are in the world. I think we’ve been given these gifts so we can take them out. So we can start the world fresh and be rid of all the greyskins.” His eyes sparkle with excitement as he speaks.

  “You’re talking about a big number for a handful of people,” I say.

  “I am,” he answers. “Though there are more Starborns out there than you think. We just have to find them.” His wide smile is as genuine as I’ve ever seen. “We have to let them know that it’s okay to come out into the open.”

  There is one thing about Aaron. He truly does like to inspire. I personally don’t think we will ever be completely rid of the greyskins, yet Aaron seems optimistic. Of course, we can’t focus on any of that until our main threat is gone. The creator of the greyskins is always a step ahead of us. What worries me is that he hasn’t really tried to kill any of the Starborns yet. Sure, he set loose thousands of greyskins on us, but I’m not convinced he didn’t know we would win. I think he might have wanted to see what skills we really did have. I’m afraid we don’t know what his fury looks like.

  We will soon. Sooner than I think, I’m sure.

  When I’m about to leave, Aaron calls me over to him. “Quick,” he says. He points at the screen to an area just outside a built portion of the wall. “Guards aren’t supposed to be out that far are they?” he asks.

  I see a blue, yellow, and red image moving across the screen. When he zooms the image in, we can see that it’s a human, walking around the wall, though in no particular pattern.

  “Is it a greyskin?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” he says.

  “Switch the view to normal,” I say.

  He does, but it’s a black screen. “Doesn’t work at night or with the clouds. That’s why we use the heat signal this late,” he says. “We’d better go check it out.”

  I agree and we both leave the Tower and move down the stairs. We sprint to the wall and when we get there, we see a guard standing next to one of the unfinished openings.

  “Have you seen anything moving just outside the wall?” I ask him.

  The guard tells us no and says he hasn’t heard anything either. Aaron and I move to the other side of the unfinished wall, keeping our guard up for anything unexpected. Aaron pulls a pistol from his belt that I hadn’t seen before.

  “I don’t want to take a chance,” he says.

  The two of us walk around the entire perimeter and even out into the open field beyond, but we don’t find anything. When we make it back to the wall, we decide that it must have just been a guard looking around. There’s no other explanation for what we saw on the screen.

  Though we found nothing, I can’t shake the feeling that a dangerous presence is among us. It’s not unlike the feeling I had when Connor and I were searching for Aaron and a group of greyskins came up on us. I had the feeling there w
as something wrong and we climbed a tree just in time to be out of harm’s reach.

  But now I see nothing. I hear nothing.

  I walk back to my house where Grandma and Jake are already asleep. I hope we will all be safe tonight.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE AIR WAS cold and the wind brought the temperature down by at least ten degrees, but none of the people in the long line minded as long as they were accepted into Screven. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of people standing in line to be checked and approved for entrance. Evelyn had probably been in line for two days already, but she could see her and her four friends getting closer and closer to the entrance.

  Screven was only accepting people during the daytime, so as soon as the sun was down, the gate was closed to the magnificent city, leaving so many people stranded out in the cold, icy wilderness, exposed to the possibility of greyskin attacks. On occasion, a Screven truck would drive up and down the line to make sure no greyskins were near, but Evelyn knew it was only a gesture to demonstrate the safety Screven could offer. If ever there were an attack on this line by the greyskins, no doubt Screven guards would lock themselves in, leaving the people in line to fend for themselves. And why shouldn’t they? Screven had no obligation to help anyone. It was only out of the goodness of one man’s heart that the city was built in the first place.

  Evelyn thought back to about a week ago when she had heard the radio broadcast. Evelyn, Rachel, Whit, Alex, and Lisa had all been huddled together in a shack they had found in the woods. Their village had been taken over by a herd, and as far as they could tell, they were the only ones that had survived. Whit had been mindful enough to grab a radio before fleeing.

  They had dared to light a fire in the tiny chimney even though the smallest flicker could catch the attention of a greyskin. It was either light a fire or freeze to death in the night. Alex, the oldest of them at the age of thirty, kept the radio as low as possible as he turned the dial, trying to find a signal.