If It Kills Me Read online

  I can’t count the times she has told me this, though I’m pretty sure if I actually ever did cut my hair, she would be angry with me. I can remember plenty of nights when she would just play with the long strands as we stared into the fireplace. She would sing an old song quietly and Jake would be playing with one of his few toys on the couch. Nights were often quiet here in Springhill. I fear those days are coming to an end.

  I hug Grandma tightly before leaving the house. She mumbles something about staying safe and kisses me on the cheek. I try not to show any emotion because I know the slightest tear in my eye will cause floods from hers.

  The morning air is warm, but cooler than past days as I walk to the edge of the village where the other Starborns, Connor, and Austin are waiting for me.

  “You’re all ready then?” Evelyn asks.

  “I’ve got extra fuel and food,” Aaron says.

  “Same here,” Danny answers. “Some extra weapons too.”

  I stand next to Aaron and he greets me with a warm smile. I look at Connor, but he doesn’t seem to notice me. It feels like a cold gesture, especially for Connor. I don’t know. Maybe I’m thinking too much about it.

  Austin looks at me and sighs. “I wish I could convince you to stay,” he says.

  “Yesterday you were talking about banishing me,” I come back. Perhaps I’m too harsh here, but it’s the truth.

  “The decision of the elders does not necessarily reflect every elder’s opinion,” he says. “You’ve always been like family to me.”

  I believe Austin. He has always been close. Always will be.

  “The plan is to be back soon?” he asks.

  “Yes,” Aaron says. “Two days max.”

  “Good. I understand things happen, but really try to be back within that timeframe. We are anxious and vulnerable.”

  “Well, just be sure to keep working on that wall,” I say. “That will help you the most.”

  “Perhaps.”

  Everyone else gives their final farewell and makes their way to separate vehicles, but Evelyn asks me to stay behind for a moment. We step a few feet away and she looks at me with a grave seriousness.

  “I know that while you’re gone with Aaron, you are going to want to know the answers to all your questions. But he doesn’t have the answers fully.”

  “You mean about why Jeremiah is directly responsible for my parents’ death?” I ask.

  She nods silently.

  Several nights ago, she was about to tell me the answer, but gunshots interrupted us and we never completed our conversation. All I got out of it was that Jeremiah had created the greyskins, and that he is much older than what I think. Too many more questions surround the issue.

  “Aaron only knows minor details, but he doesn’t know what I know,” she says. “Asking him will give you more questions that he doesn’t have answers to. But I can give you the answers.”

  “How? When?”

  She reaches out and places her palm on my head. My first instinct is to back off or to slap her hand away, but I do neither. I know that when she touches my skin she can sense all of my thoughts and intentions. She can know things about me that I would never wish her to know. But this feels different. Her palm and my forehead feel like they are tingling. I’m not sure what is happening, but for a brief moment, my breath is taken away and she lets go.

  I take a step back, staring at her wildly. She smiles.

  “Rest,” she says. “You’ve got a long trip ahead of you.”

  “What just happened?” I ask.

  “Aaron is waiting for you,” she says.

  I look at her, wondering why she is acting so strange. I shake my head and walk slowly toward the vehicle where Aaron waits patiently.

  Aaron and I drive off with Connor, Heather, and Danny following behind. My mind remains on Evelyn. Strange as she is, I can’t say that I don’t trust her. Something just happened that I’m sure will make sense in a while. That’s how it seems to work, I guess. I’m glad that she is staying behind with the village and my family. Though she doesn’t have any gifts that can control the elements in a fight, she is smart and she knows Jeremiah. That’s a comfort to have while leaving my family behind again. I can’t help but think, however, that the threat Springhill faces is not just Jeremiah and his Screven guards. The original threat is the reason I left in the first place. It was to get help from Screven so the greyskins would stop attacking Springhill mercilessly. This is a constant danger that my people still face. I just hope they don’t have to face it again without me.

  We drive for hours. Behind us, Connor and the others follow until we get to a fork in the road. With a flash of the headlights and a slight wave, they take the right and we take the left.

  When we start to run low on fuel, I recognize where we are. We stop a couple of miles outside the town where I first learned about my abilities. It’s a strange feeling. Though I was just here a couple of weeks ago, I can’t help but feel like it is such a distant memory. I can see my vehicle in the distance. The tires are missing and the whole thing has been stripped for parts. No doubt my backpack would have been taken too.

  Aaron gets out of the truck and grabs the fuel can from the back. I get out too, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of us. I can see the speck of the town where I first went looking for fuel.

  “We won’t want to stay here long,” I say. “The town up ahead is overrun with greyskins.”

  “How do you know that?” Aaron asks, tipping the fuel can forward to fill up the tank.

  I walk over to his side of the vehicle, still watching the town almost as if I turn my back something will pounce.

  “That’s where it happened to me. That’s where I learned of my gift.”

  He looks at me with eyebrows raised.

  I point at my old vehicle. “That’s where I ran out of fuel. Didn’t have reserves.” I nod my head toward the town. “I met Connor on the other side of the town.”

  Aaron doesn’t say anything to this, but nods. This is only my second time to be here, but it feels like a place that is special. But at the same time, it feels evil. This is the place where I reached the end of my rope. Here I thought all was lost; that I was about to die. But it was also here that I was reborn to discover a completely different me.

  I take a deep breath. All I hear is the steady drizzle of the fuel can emptying. Even though I had gained the gift to move things with my mind, I didn’t have full control yet. It was lucky that I met Connor. Within me I had the power to shield myself from the greyskins that were attacking, but I didn’t really grasp that. He had driven in, shot them down, and gotten me in his truck safely. I owe him my life.

  My eyebrows furrow as a thought strikes me. “Why was Connor here anyway?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Why was Connor here?” I repeat. “He knew you had gone out with a group to look for something, so why would he come to this town? The next day, Heinrich and the rest took off for Garden’s Peak as if they knew that’s where you would be.”

  “Well, Heinrich knew we would be at Garden’s Peak,” he says. He pulls out the fuel can tube and screws the tank shut. “I didn’t trust Connor. He had no love for Screven, but he had no hate for the guards. Some of those that died the other day were his friends of sorts. He knew them all, and they knew him. I told Connor that I was going in search for tractor parts because I knew he wouldn’t get suspicious. If the guards would have found out that we were going to Garden’s Peak to get a satellite receiver, they would have known something was up.”

  “So why was Connor here then?” I ask, getting back into the vehicle as Aaron starts it back up.

  “Lots of farm towns this way,” he says. “He really was trying to find me. I feel bad about it now, but Connor and I haven’t had the best relationship for the past six years or so.”

  The past six years. I know what Aaron is talking about. There is no need to explain further. About six years ago, Aaron had to kill their parents who had turned int
o greyskins. Somehow they had come back to his home. Aaron had no choice. That was how he discovered his ability to control electrical currents. That was when he killed his parents, and his relationship with Connor has suffered since.

  The truck rolls forward, and the town gets closer until we pass by it completely. Soon, it is out of our view as it fades in the dust behind us.

  “He’s still my brother, and I think he feels the same way about me, but we are different. Connor wants to live in peace and try to work things out with Jeremiah and Screven. Me, well…I would rather kill Jeremiah now and live in peace later.”

  I feel somewhere in between. I’m sure if I knew how and why Jeremiah was responsible for my parents’ death, I would be as passionate about killing him as Aaron is. But this is still an answer that I have yet to receive. What was that back there with Evelyn? Why did she touch me? Why did I get that tingling sensation? What happened?

  The sun is fading out of the sky and my eyes are getting heavy. Throughout the trip I’ve offered to drive, but Aaron won’t let me. I think he’s just trying to be generous, but I could use a change of perspective. If there is anything worse than driving for hours through wastelands, it’s being the passenger.

  I try to sleep, but for some reason it won’t come. So, instead I close my eyes and think about Connor, but I’m not ready for what I see.

  Greyskins. More than fifty of them maybe. They are near the woods, undoubtedly some miles from Garden’s Peak.

  I can feel my hand grip the edge of my seat as I watch Connor, Heather, and Danny sitting completely still and silent in the SUV. It is slightly tipped forward into a pit of mud. They are stuck.

  “Are all the doors locked?” Connor whispers from the driver’s seat.

  “Yeah,” Danny says, sitting next to him.

  The SUV is turned off and the only sound that can be heard is the rustling feet of the greyskin herd coming toward them.

  “Are they passing by or coming for the car?” Danny asks.

  Connor shakes his head. “Guess we’ll see in a second.”

  “I don’t think you shut the lights off in enough time,” Heather says. She lets out some muttered curses.

  Connor squeezes his rifle, probably knowing full well that it won’t be enough against this many greyskins, especially up close.

  Heather and Danny have powers of the Starborn, but that doesn’t make them immune from the deadly poison of the greyskin bites or scratches. Starborn or not, a person with a deep enough cut or scratch will be infected. Within twenty-four hours that person will be dead. Some time after that, that person wakes up a greyskin. Their eyes start to darken. Their skin turns ashen. They begin to rot. And their only desire is to eat uninfected flesh.

  Sweat drips down the side of Connor’s cheek as the first greyskin approaches the vehicle. Pieces of bloodied skin dangle from its jaws and mucus runs down the front of its face. Both of its ears are missing.

  In a situation like this, one has to play dead in hopes the greyskin doesn’t pick up on the scent of a live human. Connor and the others sit as still as statues, though Connor’s eyes are wide.

  The greyskin approaches the vehicle, seemingly curious about why it is here. Others start to pass by as though nothing is out of the ordinary. Silent prayers go up for the lone greyskin to lose its interest and move on with the others. No such luck. It moves on from the front window and peers into the back window of the SUV. Heather stares it in the eyes, but it still hasn’t caught on that she is alive. The moment it knows there is the possibility to feed, then all hell will break loose. It won’t be just one greyskin attacking. All of them will.

  As they stare each other down, I can see Heather’s jaw begin to shake ever so slightly. It’s a fear in her that I’ve never seen before, though I understand it completely. Anyone in the world would understand what she feels. She is literally staring death in the face.

  “Don’t move,” comes the whispering encouragement from Danny in the front passenger seat. “It’ll go away soon enough.”

  Heather obeys, but the greyskin remains, staring, perhaps even hoping that there is something to feed on.

  Her lips don’t move, but in short, barely audible breaths she’s able to say, “Why isn’t it moving away?”

  “Just stay calm,” Connor says.

  “Go away,” she says, shaking.

  Now another greyskin has taken an interest in the SUV. It staggers toward them and stands next to Heather’s window, peering in with its black eyes. It lets out a grunt and places a hand on the window, smearing gelled blood across it. Heather looks like she might break down.

  Another greyskin approaches the vehicle, but this one comes to Danny’s window.

  “I think we might be in trouble,” Danny whispers.

  “I told you not to drive through here, idiot,” Heather says, still not moving her lips. More greyskins come to check them out.

  The first greyskin continues to stare at Heather. For a brief second, it doesn’t move. Then, from out of nowhere, it lets out a deafening growl. The others do the same and the first greyskin smashes through the window.

  Heather lets out a scream and in a flash she’s on the other side of the vehicle, but that doesn’t stop other greyskins from smashing through.

  Connor starts the vehicle, doing everything he can to get it to move, but the tires spin with no traction. Heather reaches down to her boot and pulls out a knife as an arm reaches in to grab her. The greyskin gives no reaction to pain as she slices its fingers off, but she quickly jabs upward into its skull and it falls limp to the ground.

  The front windows smash and Connor lets off a round from close range, splattering greyskin brains. Now the entire herd is converging on the vehicle.

  “Danny, I hate to say this,” Connor yells out, “but I’d say this one is all on you.”

  He looks at Connor wide-eyed, but nods. With a pistol, he shoots several of the greyskins through the head. He reaches down and opens the door slightly. As he steps out, he grabs the door by the hinges and rips it from the vehicle frame. Holding it like a shield in one hand, he fires the pistol with the other. Greyskins go flying in every direction as Danny swings the door at their heads. He runs around to the front of the vehicle as Heather scrambles out to cover his back. Like a blur, she moves from one greyskin to the next, trying to keep Danny safe.

  Connor doesn’t let up on the gas pedal, attempting to reverse out of the mud hole. Danny throws the door at a group of oncoming greyskins, knocking them to the ground momentarily. He reaches down for the front bumper and lifts. He then pushes the SUV back, and it suddenly finds the traction it needs as Connor spins it around.

  Connor waits, watching as Danny runs for the front seat. Heather is already inside the SUV, breathing hard. Connor points his gun through the broken window, firing at any greyskin that comes near him. Danny slides into the front passenger seat as Connor tears out.

  Without slowing, Connor smashes through a wall of greyskins, eventually leaving the undead behind.

  My eyes shoot open and I realize that I’ve been gripping my side door with one hand, and Aaron’s arm with the other.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, one eyebrow up. “You’re cutting off the circulation in my arm.”

  I let go of him immediately, feeling embarrassed. I thought I was more aware of myself than that.

  “Bad dream?” Aaron asks.

  “Yeah,” I lie. “Greyskins…you know.”

  He nods, understanding what it’s like to have constant nightmares about the realities that surround us. But this was no nightmare. This wasn’t a dream. It’s happening now. Everything in me wants to tell Aaron what I just saw: that Connor, Heather, and Danny all nearly died. But I can’t tell him. This part of my gift is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I can stay informed. A curse because no matter what I am witnessing, I can do nothing about it. If Connor and the others were to die, I would see it all. And I’d be unable to comfort them, to help them.

  I c
lose my eyes again. Danny is checking a tear in his shirt. He’s panicking because he thinks he might have been scratched. I feel for the cylinder that I still carry in my pocket. Green you’re clean. Red you’re dead.

  I feel sick. If any of them are bitten or scratched, I don’t know how I would be able to hide it from Aaron. Then he would know.

  “I think I’m good,” Danny says. “Looks like it just got my shirt.”

  Heather is checking him over, lifting up his shirt, forcing him to move in every direction. After a moment she sighs and sets her head against the back of his seat.

  “You’re one brave, man,” she says. “Stupid, but brave.”

  Danny smiles and Heather rubs his shoulder for a moment.

  Connor barely hears them as his eyes go from the rearview mirror to the road and back again. He drives as if he can’t put enough distance between them and the greyskins.

  One never can.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  A COUPLE OF hours have passed since Connor and the others got away from the greyskins. I frequently close my eyes to check on them to see that they are still driving, looking for the best place to stop near Garden’s Peak.

  I also try to find Christopher. I know he has to be in Salem somewhere, but all I ever see is a dark space as though he is hiding from everyone. One of the times, it looks like he’s in a closet eating something, but that’s all I’m able to see.

  Aaron slows the truck down when he feels we are as close as we can get to Salem without being spotted. He looks at me and sighs. “You ready?” he asks, grabbing a shotgun from behind the seat.

  My back and legs are sore from riding so long, but I nod to him. “Are we going in through the side? Your secret passage?”

  “The very one,” he says. “First thing’s first, we’ve got to find Heinrich. There’s no telling what kind of condition Salem is in. The people will be angry, but Jeremiah might have already sent guards back to take control again.”

  I don’t doubt this. Salem was an important colony for Jeremiah to hold on to. I’m sure he would do anything it took to keep it within his grasp. Springhill, on the other hand, only holds importance because of me. We don’t have much to offer Jeremiah, but he wants me dead. That, or he wants me in his custody so he can try to convince me to help him. I’m not sure what he is planning. He is certainly one individual that I wish I could have had some physical contact with. I would be able to see everything he is doing. I could monitor his conversation. I would know his plans. But that contact never took place. So, as far as he is concerned, I’ve got to play this out like a normal person.